Resfeber (n): The tangled feelings of fear and excitement before a journey begins.

I am sitting on the top deck of an airplane. Top deck! Who even knew there were planes like this? It’s 3:45AM – I’m not really sure if my lap top is showing the time in Seattle or the time of wherever I am right now – but I approximately left home 2 hours ago for a new country, culture, job and community.

I am currently on my way to Bangkok for orientation! I can not believe that this is my life, and I am honestly pretty surprised with myself for following through with this. I have a terrible habit of canceling or being late or just generally being somewhat flakey. So it’s a good thing I didn’t get flight insurance or I may have tried to change my ticket…(kind of joking). 

Deciding to move really put time into perspective for me. This whole month has been one of lasts. Ever since I picked a date and accepted my job, I have been annoyingly aware all the time that the life I am leaving behind may not be there when I get back, that the people I love will have changed and that I will have changed. Everyone keeps telling me ‘it’s only a year, Sione…’ but so many things can happen in a year, even if it’s the small things. It makes me sad thinking about missing out on those pieces (small or large) of my friend’s lives. That makes me very thankful for technology so that they can include me, even if it’s somewhat superficial. 

The last few weeks have been ones of goodbyes/see you laters/take care of yourselves. I have also said see you later to some parts of me that I am trying to leave behind. The parts of me ruled by self doubt, hesitation, second guessing, indecisiveness, selflessness and fear. I definitely haven’t just hopped on a plane and left those characteristics at home, but by showing myself that I can do this, I feel so much more satisfaction with who I am and who I am becoming. 

I am not quite sure where I am going to go with this blog. I want to be able to use this as a journal for me to look back on and read, but also use this to update my family and friends that are curious about my life abroad. I guess my blog is finding itself, kind of like me!

Much love to those back home reading this,
thank you for loving me and making moving away so hard. 

Signing out for now,


2 Replies to “Resfeber (n): The tangled feelings of fear and excitement before a journey begins.”

    1. Aww Courtney! Love you too 🙂 Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on all my posts! You’re so sweet. ❤


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